Thursday 27 December 2012

Tears


"I fell in love with you when you were forming in my womb, now I carry you in my heart instead of my arms" 


December 19th, 2012 was the most difficult day of my entire life. It was on this day that I had to say good-bye to my second child. I was 8 weeks pregnant with baby number two. I was expected to have this baby August 1st. We were very excited to tell our immediate family and friends the exciting news on Christmas Day. We were thrilled that our son Isaiah would soon be a big brother. Isaiah was very excited, we told him right away and he would kiss my belly and say "I love you baby". 

Wednesday December 19th, I was lying in bed as today was my day off from work.  Isaiah kissed my belly and whispered the words ,"I love you baby". I like to think of this moment as Isaiah saying good-bye to his younger sibling. Within a couple hours I realized there was a problem, things were not right. I texted my husband Mark immediately and told him, "please pray for our baby, I think we are losing it". I dropped Isaiah off at my parent's house and drove to Emergency. I prayed the entire way there, "please God, do not let this happen to me, please let me be overreacting". 

When I arrived at the ER the Medical Receptionist asked me why I was coming in. At that moment I had to say the words I had been dreading to hear, "I think I'm having a miscarriage". As soon as I heard the words I started bawling. They brought me to a separate room where the doctor informed me that I was probably going to lose the baby. They did not have a definite answer, but things were not looking good. They would do blood work and then they would know more...or so they told me. 

Since there were no extra rooms in the hospital I had to sit in the waiting room and wait for my results. All I wanted at this point was to be alone and just cry. Cry for that precious little baby I would never get to hold in my arms, whose smile I would never get to see, whose laughter I would never hear. Rather I was forced to contain my emotions in a room full of strangers. My phone had now died, I couldn't even tell my husband what was going on. I sat alone, in that horrible waiting room pinching myself, telling myself this was all just an awful nightmare. 

The doctor now had my blood results, they were showing that I was still pregnant. However, I knew deep down I was losing this baby. They sent me to ultrasound where they found a baby 5 weeks in size who did not have a heartbeat. The ultrasound technician was very kind, reassuring me that miscarriages are more common than people think, it was natures way of ending an unhealthy pregnancy. I appreciate her efforts, but it was not exactly what I wanted to hear at this point. 

I drove home tears in my eyes wondering WHY? Why had God allowed me to even become pregnant in the first place? Just to take this child away from me? 



Last year in Early January I was diagnosed with Latent Tuberculosis. I had to undergo 9 months of treatment to reduce the risk of it ever becoming active. 9 months of driving to a specialist in Hamilton once a month, taking daily medication and getting weekly bloodwork. Worst of all this diagnosis delayed our plan to have a baby when we would have originally liked. I was so happy when the treatment was finally done and we could start "trying" for a baby. To our surprise we were blessed with a pregnancy very quickly. 

We were very thankful for this blessing, I'm still very thankful. I was able to spend 2 months being pregnant (I actually love being pregnant). I now have the excitement of knowing that one day I'll get to meet my second child in heaven. I know he or she is receiving the best possible care, with Jesus. This quote has been very encouraging to me over the past week. 

"And to think that when they opened their little eyes, the first thing they saw was the face of Jesus" 


I am still healing. This whole process has been very painful for me. I have moments where I am strong and other times when I am weak. My young son has noticed my sudden change in emotions, hugging me while I lie on the bed crying. He's been telling friends and even strangers, "Mommy's sad". I do feel the comfort of prayer and the support of some good friends and family. I originally planned on keeping everything a secret but I decided, why hide it? Why should I pretend that this baby did not exist? Why shouldn't I celebrate their short life? This is why I write today, to tell the story of my second child. The child I know I will get to meet again someday. I know God has a special plan for our lives, I need to remember the following:

"In his Heart a man plans his course, BUT the Lord determines his steps" Proverbs 16:9 

My cousin told me a cute quote from one of her students, "Daddy told me that if mommy wouldn't have had a miscarriage, I would never have been born".... I don't know exactly what God has up his sleeve for my little family, but I'm leaving it in his hands. As much as I LOVE to plan and control I need to let go. 




I would like to thank....

My friends and family who check in with me every day to make sure I'm doing ok.

The friends who have shown they care through coming to visit, sending flowers or cards. 

The friends who have been continuallly praying. 

My sweet husband who checks in with me multiple times a day to see how I'm doing. 

My lovely little boy who gives me hugs and tells me daily how much he loves me.  

You have all made this difficult process that much easier  


If you are reading this and are someone who has experienced something very similar in your life. Do not hesitate to contact me. I would love to talk to you. <3

Wednesday 26 December 2012

Sock Monkey Party




Isaiah's First Birthday Party! Sock Monkey Theme 
In less than 2 weeks my baby will be turning 2 years old. I have started to get ready for his 2nd birthday party however, I must admit I'm not nearly as organized this year as I was last year. Last year I started making sock monkeys in August (his birthday is January 8th). So I thought in Honour of Isaiah's upcoming birthday I would post about his first birthday. 

Some Background Info:
 We chose sock monkey because when I was 9 months pregnant my father in-law gave me a cute little sock monkey for the baby. He said he had been given one as a baby. He then gave both his sons Mark & Paul sock monkeys when they were young. He thought it would only be appropriate that his new grandson should have one as well. Sock monkey was a perfect choice for our little boy's first birthday!  

Picture by Captivating Life Photography: http://captivatinglifephotography-mlg.blogspot.ca/


The Display:  Sock monkeys that belong to Isaiah, his daddy, uncle and Grandpa. The oldest monkey being 50 years old and the youngest a year. Mark built the "Number One" for Isaiah. We also had on display a small toy box he was given when he was born. 


Another Shot of the "display" so you can see the pretty colours (Brown, red & white were the colours used for the party). Handmade "Isaiah" banner. 



"Vintage" toys. This dump truck belonged to Isaiah's Grandfather. This was the toy box he was given as a baby from friends of the family. The top was given to Isaiah for his first Christmas from Papa and Grandma. 


The handmade invitation for the party. Also Papa's Sock monkey (Now 50+ years old). This monkey was the inspiration of the party. 


I even painted my nails in honour of the theme 


I made the cake out of homemade fondant. The cake topper I made out of clay 


The Homemade Cakes. The little one was Isaiah's "smash cake" (The cake toppers were made of clay and serve as a nice keepsakes on a shelf in his toy room). 


The Spread! Banana Pudding Cups. Grandma's Cookies. Homemade Banner & Table cloth. 

More Food Pictures! 

Classic Coke to go with the Vintage theme 



The Candy Bar! We had tiny brown paper bags people could use to take their candy. I tried to pick vintage styles of candy.



Candy and of course Banana Chips for all those monkeys! 


Favours for the Kids hand sewn. Scarves were made by my friend Erin Moore. Monkeys were placed in our classic radio flyer red wagon. 


Spending time with Auntie Jenna 



Ball Pit Fun! I picked this ball pit up at a garage sale in the summer for $15. Kids LOVED it. Purchased his cute shirt on Etsy from Mimi Smith http://www.etsy.com/people/mimisbabies 


CAKE TIME

Picture with Mom & Dad 


Opening some gifts. Notice the sock monkey socks??? I found those at Old Navy 

Party Hats made out of Bristol Board and stationary dots. (We used those dots to add polka dots to everything at the party. cups, hats, balloons, table cloths etc.)


Gift from Mom & Dad. A vintage fire truck we got from Sears. 

Play Time 






It was a wonderful day! Special Thanks to Captivating life Photography for helping us remember this special day. http://captivatinglifephotography-mlg.blogspot.ca/ 





























Tuesday 25 December 2012

A Special Collection

My Special Collection...  




Overall I have a general love for Christmas Decor. But when it comes to my ornaments I am particularily protective. Christmas 2005 marked my very first year with my boyfriend (now husband) Mark Costello. Our first year together he bought me a Special Christmas Ornament and every year to come I have received an additional ornament to add to my collection. Today I received my 8th ornament, marking our 8th Christmas together. As I looked over each ornament tonight they bring me back to each of the 8 years.... 




Year 1: Christmas 2005 
It was our very first Christmas together. I was 16 and my favourite colour was pink, everything I wore was pink, everything I owned was pink. Therefore it was only obvious that Mark would buy me a pink ornament. Mark had just graduated from high school and I was halfway done grade 11. Little did I know he had just started a tradition that would continue into our married life. 



Year 2: Christmas 2006 
I was now in my last year of high school, I had just finished sending away my University applications. Mark had just completed his first year at Lindy's Electric, officially starting his career (he still works for this company today).  



Year 3: Christmas 2007
I had graduated high school and Mark and I attended my Prom together. I had just finished my first semester at Brock University studying Applied Linguistics. 


Year 4: Christmas 2008
This year we celebrate our first Christmas as an engaged couple. On May 7th, 2008 Mark purposed to me on Smith Road in our home town of Wainfleet. We purchased a home this year in St. Catharines. I lived in the house with 2 other students while I attended University. This Christmas Mark and I chose to buy each other a puppy as our gift to each other, we bought a Dashhund puppy named Frank. 


Year 5: Christmas 2009
This was our very first year as a married couple, our very first year waking up on Christmas morning together. We married on June 20, 2009. We traveled to Panama for our Honeymoon. I was now entering my third year of University and would begin working as a Teacher's Assistant at Brock University. 



Year 6: Christmas 2010
We are two weeks away from the birth of our son. We are excited and anxious to meet this special little person. Mark has completed his first term of School at Mohawk towards his Electrical apprenticeship. This year we travelled to Newfoundland together and celebrated our first wedding anniversary. 


Year 7: Christmas 2011
This year we celebrated our very first Christmas with our son Isaiah. We are living with Mark's parents this year while between houses. I graduated from Brock University. I spent time on maternity leave followed by a post graduate program in Autism and Behaviour Science at Mohawk College. We are now renting our St. Catharines home. This year I was hired by Bethesda and begin training in January 2012. Mark has now completed his 2nd school term and is one term away from completing his apprenticeship. 


Year 8: Christmas 2012
Mark and I spent our first Christmas in our new Wainfleet Home. We are about to celebrate the 2nd birthday of our son Isaiah. This year we have endured many joys and also some loss. I am thankful I have been given the opportunity to begin my career at Bethesda as an Instructor Therapist while continuing to work for the University as a Teacher's Assistant. 


Overall, 8 very special years with a very special man. I am excited to see what Christmas 2013 will have in store and the new ornaments and memories that will enter my collection in the future. 


Monday 24 December 2012

Merry Christmas!!!


It will officially be Christmas in 15 minutes! Merry Christmas all!!! 

Christmas in the Village


Here is our Century Home! It is located in the small Village of Wainfleet 
ting in the Village 
Window Box arrangment made with our fallen Pine trees and Dollar Store Decorative Sticks  


Our Tree Decorated and gifts wrapped in Vintage Wrapping Paper from Winners. Not bad for a $20 tree from food basics :) 


Vintage Trunk Painted White with some lovely flowers given by a friend  

The Dinning Room



Mantel Number One. Window taken from our old house and stockings made from an old curtain.


Glass ornaments hanging from the Dinning room Light Fixture 


The Staircase with lights and stockings 


Cute Snowman Door Decor from the Vineland Craft Show 


Vintage Sled I found in my parent's garage


Cozy Christmas Living Room


Front Porch 


Front porch with hanging ornaments 


Front Porch with DIY arrangemnts